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Living in my hometown, you weren't a real man unless you wanted to be like
Andy. Strong, handsome, kind and brilliant, he was as perfect a specimen as
you could hope to find. Even self-avowed feminists, with no use for men of
any kind, swooned in Andy's presence. He was just worth it.
I had known him since high school, when he was the unlikely mix of
scholar and athlete. I was a late bloomer myself, more interested in
computers and the school paper than in doing laps or working out. So other
jocks had their fun at my expense, and I generally took it in stride. I
particularly remembered Andy because he came to my rescue one day. A mean-
spirited oaf decided to pound me because I didn't let him copy my mid-term
test (I only got an 85--he'd have done better to copy from Andy!). I had
already caught one in the face when Andy's voice boomed out from the school
steps. "Hey!" We both turned, and the bully swiftly averted his eyes and
skulked away. Andy looked at me and shook his head, as if to say, "sorry,
kid, some people are just assholes," and he walked back inside. That was as
close as I ever came to knowing Andy. No one bothered me again after that.
It was some years later--11, to be precise--that I finally started taking
better care of myself. Maybe it was hitting that magical three-oh, seeing
the obits of men buying it at 35 or 40 from heart disease. It was, for me,
time to shape up or risk shipping out. I tried the rower, then the climber,
then the skier, then the bike. Each time, I'd wind up holding a fitness
garage sale a few weeks after the purchase. Knowing my plight, a co-worker
offered to go halves with me on a buy one, get one free membership in a
local health club. This normally wouldn't have been my bag, but after
stepping on the scale that morning, I was ready to take another shot at
being in shape.
When I first stepped into the club, I was mightily impressed. Everything
gleamed, including the faces of the patrons, and the solid clinks and
thunks of metal-on-metal sounded like music to me. I was psyched. I had
heard rumors that fitness clubs were meat markets, but that wasn't going to
be the case here--the place was full, but there wasn't a woman in sight.
